Married men try gay
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to make eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost anxious to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, displaying all the markers of an anxious bloke in the throes of shame. He was a modern client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a drawn-out time to muster the courage to call and produce an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I believe I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I contain worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with being in the closet or wanting to emerge from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to contribute my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a not many years ago. That presentation led to other oppor
Why do some straight men have sex with other men?
According to nationally-representative surveys in the United States, hundreds of thousands of straight-identified men have had sex with other men.
In the adj book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America released today, UBC sociologist Dr. Tony Silva argues that these men – many of whom adore hunting, fishing and shooting guns – are not closeted, bisexual or just experimenting.
After interviewing 60 of these men over three years, Dr. Silva establish that they love a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly identifying with straight culture.
We spoke with Dr. Silva about his book.
Why do straight-identified men have sex with other men?
The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. They explained that although they loved their wives, their marital sex lives were not as active as they
Dear Amy: I was interested to peruse the letter from &#;Fearful,&#; who discovered that her fiancé might be bisexual.
As a married man who sometimes engages in homosexual activity, I thought I would propose my perspective.
My guess, based on observing life from the anonymity of the Internet, is that there are many men living straight lives who indulge in homosexual sex on a &#;recreational&#; basis.
These flings have nothing to do with seeking emotional relationships and everything to do with sex. I have a satisfying marriage and am in cherish only with my wife, but I have a sexual itch for sex with a guy.
Our society doesn&#;t really know how to deal with this situation, so men like me scratch the itch in secrecy. I get together with other bisexual married men a rare times a year, and I always &#;play safe.&#; Ideally, men like me would be verb with their wives, but a revelation of active bisexuality would almost certainly doom the marriages.
Except for scarce successful open marriages, there is no way &#; except cheating &#; for men to address both the living drive
2."I knew I was gay, but where I grew up it was not OK to be gay, so I hid in my imaginary closet too scared to appear out for terror that I would be beaten up and rejected. So I got married, not once but twice. Both marriages lasted about four years. The first marriage was without children. I tried so hard not to be gay. I confessed to a pastor and was told I need to be accountable to him. I was seeing a guy after my first marriage ended and I was told I needed to ruin up with him. I needed to be in church every time the church was reveal. I needed to attend a daily prayer group. I met with this pastor every Tuesday after prayer group for a two-hour bible study. And at least times in a two-year period, I would fast for three days and then have Satan cast out of me by two pastors."
"Then I met my second wife at church one afternoon. She was stunning and definitely out of my league. We quickly got married and had our first kid. I was trying so hard to be straight, but marriage is complicated especially when married to someone that you do not desire. In that marriage, my wife and I created t